as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
