i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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