Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
