its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we're making bets on your personal life
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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