We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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