I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
