I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
