im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
