My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
