By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
