So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
