and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
