my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
