Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
