Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
