I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
