Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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