Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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