I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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