I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
