you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
