At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We just shotgunned beers for America
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
