The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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