Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize