Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
