my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
