Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
