That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
