"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
even my farts smell like vagina
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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