my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
