So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
