I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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