I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
