How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
