yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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