We're like a lot better than the average bears
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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