i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
