this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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