I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
