Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
