I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
