Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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