in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
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The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
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All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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