Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
