you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
