Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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