dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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