im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
