i was rollin on her like bob the builder
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
