I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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