i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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