New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
