he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
