My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
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this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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