im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
