Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
