I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
