I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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