I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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