Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
