she smelled like a LAN party
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
