please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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